Went back to church today.. for the candlelight service. Was actually procrastinating about going back since the first weekend of December. But I didn't want to miss the candlelight service although everything would be pretty much the same as the past years.

IT WAS BLOODY AWKWARD.
First, I couldn't find J cause he was serving for Choir. So nvrmind, I sat alone till he return my call to join his GF. Officially together! So happy for him though they've been hangin' out all the time. Just that, need some crap approval from church leaders. Honestly, 3 months without church I think its crap for someone to approve your r/s. But lets skip that.

Then I met M, always awkward when I see him. I didn't want to see anyone I know.. because I haven't been in Church for so long. Then he asked me like where have I been all the time knowing I left Church. Kinda dumb but whatever.. nice seeing him but I wished I didn't see anyone I know.

DURING ALTAR CALL. J kept asking me to you know, answer. I hate .. altar call. Its something that shouldn't be forced. Probably why my decision wasn't firm 3 years back because I was forced. Well, maybe I was young and then my friend kept forcing me to answer. All that crap, everyone in Church should not 'force' their friend. It was freaking awkward.. he was telling me like not now then when and all. I'm glad K understands me. Its just not the time for commitment. Though 3 months was short, the time without God felt so long and kinda (hate to admit but) free. Like free from commitment, all the shit you can't do.. (not that I did huge sins). I just didn't have to tell someone whats up with my life.

I told K the next six months.. come to think of it, its not something to be estimated. Well, I'll go back to church this Friday for X'mas celebration.. and go for a normal svc. Kinda sick of hearing welcoming sermons like X'mas and everything, just telling you that Jesus is your Savior and all. That I know, I believe in God. Just not ready to commit.

I never thought commitment was an issue to me until now.
Anyway, thanks J for pushing me. And thanks K who understood me and encouraged me along the way. U'guys are the best regardless you read this or not!

The year's gonna end soon.
Can't wait to enter 2010 but also I'm afraid to enter it.

Its gonna be 12 days to results when 2010 starts. Its scary, but I also foresee myself failing the whole exam and getting fucked by my parents and then relative and the whole cycle restarts when its Chinese New Year.

There's so much to be thankful this year.
Although it wasn't the best year I've had. Too much drama, too much crap like studies. I've had my OWN achievements which I'm really proud of.






So many of my friends are overseas. Dang, I wish I was on a plane now.
Awake from 530pm.. slept for an hour around 1030pm? I'm up on the net since 0100am. I'm going to church later, svc don't start until 10am and it ends at 1230pm. I HOPE I DON'T FALL ASLEEP. And I'll have to pay a visit to my cousins' to get him to fix my laptop. FML.

First of all, many thanks to the list of people for the wishes on my birthday!

( many many thanks )



It was a horrible birthday.
Just like last year, I cried. For silly and trivial things like family-shit. Mum wanted to bring me out for buffet dinner but like fuck. Do I get that only for my birthday which I can have it with my friends on normal day. You know how we always want our birthdays to me special. But just simply screw it. I spent the night at Cheryl's and went home in the afternoon and slept the day off. Nothing extravagant, no presents no nothing. Not even from my parents/family so fuck it.

Really appreciate those who wished me whether they got it from Twitter or a reminder on Facebook or those who remembered. And for those who didn't.. it just says alot. Well, thats how I feel. Even strangers wished me.

17th birthday definitely taught me alot, well.. not to wish and hope.
I hope I'll have a Happy/Merry Christmas and end the year well. It was pretty much a fucked up year other than my self-achievements which made me really proud. Its like seeing your baby grow or a seed you planted that began to bloom.

On a happier note, it was great to hear that KTMK did well for his driving test.
And.. my brother's bill for the month is 167 frigging dollars! Wow, half of it could go get me a berry! Guess he didn't know his phone doesn't have wifi. Dumb shiat, please don't go for second best.